Spam Prayer
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Date: October, 2004
"You look frustrated," said Angie as she brought in a batch of fresh cookies.
"Sure," said God as he pecked at the keyboard. "Do you know how many prayers I have been getting every day! You can't imagine the volume. They are all concerning this fool election. Look here."
Angie peered over God's shoulder.
"Here's one for Bush. He wants me to make sure Bush is elected because of his stand on abortion." God chuckled. "This guy might be surprised to learn my views on that issue." God clicked on DELETE.
"And here's one for Kerry. Look, this guy goes into all of the detail about Kerry's healthcare plan. It's a little odd that the Kerry voters are that specific, but I appreciate that. Healthcare has always been a key issue for me." Again, God clicked DELETE.
"Why don't you have a spam filter?" Angie inquired. "I hear they are pretty effective."
God sighed. "You know, I have always been committed to listening to every prayer. That's why I got this new YokiSona server, 500 MegaWhops per second. But I have to admit, the idea of a spam filter is crossing my mind. I have been going through these prayers all day, and still I am behind!"
"And are all the prayers changing your mind? Are you going to help one candidate?"
God shook his head. "No, I shouldn't think so. I mean, it's always been this way. If it's not one thing, it's another. You wouldn't believe how many prayers I get about the Rose Bowl. I didn't even watch it last year, frankly. Didn't think they had the #1 team playing. I just try not to get involved in these issues. The best I can do is just give everyone the strength to pursue their dreams, and let it go from there."
The red phone rang. God picked it up. "Hi, how's everything going down there? Pretty hot, I imagine?" He paused. "Yes, he just got here yesterday. I'm really enjoying having him around. He's interested in stem cell research, so maybe I can have him manage some work in that division. How about you, get any interesting ones?" He listened. "Ah, yes, you always seem to have a good supply of those. Actually maybe you could lend me some, I could use some good legal work. I've seen a lot of ads that imply my endorsement. Actually I have not endorsed a candidate." He listened again. "OK thanks, we'll have to do lunch."
"So what's next?" Angie asked.
"More of the same," God replied, as he returned to his computer. "Until this election is over. Then I can make sure everyone gets some sleep. And I will have to mend all the broken fences."